Not Afraid400 is the number
352 is what I need
For a way out
For a rest
Maybe it'll hurt
maybe it'll be painless
But a moment of pain
leading to an eternity of release
sounds good to me
The problems may be temporary
They most probably will stop
Just two more years
Just twenty four months
I don't think I can
the world is trying to crush me
i want a way out
i want to rest
If you decide
I'll probably follow
You're my last chance
my only hope
My best friend
My one and only
Like a sister
Sharing the same problems
Embarrassment doesn't exist
Pain doesn't exist
Sadness doesn't exist
When you are there
After you leave
I feel lost
And the my mistakes come back to haunt me
My emotions jumbled
my thoughts a mess
everything is short lived
except the numbness
Don't let it crush you
just two more years
If you make it
I think I may too
It's been so long
since I've felt normal
where has the simplicity gone
Where has my sleep gone
Alone in a dark room
scared of nothing
yet terrified all the same
My UndoingClumsily tip toeing across the ledge
Hanging precariously over an abyss
The path never ending
It forks before me
Which way do I go?
I know not which
I dare not choose
Afraid to fall
Afraid to lose
What is there to lose?
No place of comfort
What runs through my mind
Abuse and suffering
The days blur and mix
Oft forgetting those close to me
What's ahead and behind
What's gone and past
Dangling from the strands of my frazzled mind
Everything is changing
Everything is different
I can't get a grasp on my surroundings
My mind shredded
My undoing is myself.
ShieldThe path ahead is dark and uncertain
I know not what lays before me
I cower strangled by fear
You touch my hand,
Smile, help me up
I know not what lays before me
However I only need know you're beside me
It strangles the fear
And leads me forward
Will you be my shield?
A Beautiful Poison The shadows shifted as the old electric lighting flickered to life. Someone’s footsteps thumped down the stairs into the poorly lit room. The old stone walls of the room hidden beneath the cellar shone damp in the sickly yellow lighting. The shadows seemed to stalk and conspire together as a woman walked into the large stone room. She was tall with long slender legs, thin waist, and thick jet black hair neatly piled on the top of her head. Her long dress was red and black with a long slit down each side up to her hips. The jeweled floral pattern of the corset shone and sparkled, blinding a few of the inhabitants of the room. Behind her, a sturdy, barrel chested man lumbered in heavily. He was bare-chested and barefoot with a whip attached to his hip. The shadows stalked after them after them as they walked casually through the room. The woman’s heels clicked followed by the man’s heavy thuds. Hearing these noises, the inhabitants shrunk back, cowering ag
No hope, my LoveYou made me promise.
You say you almost slipped.
I just can't tell you truth.
I can't disappoint you.
I'm weak, though you think me strong.
A cheerful facade
A decaying truth
Can I borrow some of your strength?
Just a little?
Don't keep your pain to your self.
It'll start the decay.
Don't be me.
Used to silence and loneliness.
Let me help.
Let me fall.
Let me decay.
Let me be your unsteady foundation.
When I fade,
Have my strength and make it your own.
I need you happy.
I need you to let loose your tight grip.
Let it fall away.
Let me take it with me,
When i crash down with everyone's burdens.
You can't save me,
No matter how much we both may wish it.
You friendship is great.
It is my hope.
I shouldn't ask for more,
But I can't help myself.
Stuck in a desert
I will stay here.
A meager survival
A shriveled life
A decaying body
Until it ends.
Just so you know
Before I die,
I love you.
I'm alrightHow do you know that I'm without reason?
A stranger in my own body
Hiding behind a cheerful facade
Everything you think you know about me is a lie
You say I'm strong and smart and beautiful
But really i can't even hold myself together
I make a promise and break down
Silent tears as the blood drips from my fingertips
I messed up.
Why can't i hold myself together?!
The facade is starting to shatter
What should I do?!
You knowing scares me out of my wits.
Don't leave me.
you can't leave me.
I need you.
You keep me from completely shattering.
Why can't i fix myself?
I'm too dependent
I still don't think I can survive without you.
If anything I wish you happiness.
I'll take your burden,
Load me down.
Overload me until I sink and drown.
I don't mind.
Let me take the fall.
You have your life, your future
Give me your troubles,
Tell them to me all
I will be rid of them
when this facade shatters
and I fall.
I can't keep up.
I don't feel right.
Dear mother, dear father
Dear brother, dear sister
Don't worry, you still have each other
And without me you're all so much stronger
Leave me behind and let me go, I promise the days will get brighter
Dear teachers, dear counselors
Dear therapists, dear doctors
You have my gratitude for what you all did
But I hit rock bottom too many times, and this last one was it
The end of the road again, as if no one could have kept me from a coffin
I was not fit to live life
I failed at everything, every time
I sincerely did my very best, I really tried
I just could no longer stand feeling so powerless inside
I lay wide awake every night
I prayed and prayed and asked "why?"
I was always silently drowning in the tears I cried
I am done with suffering, so this is where I draw the line
This is the end
One with a resentful beginning
It all came crashing down to nothing
It's what's only right, so I know what I'm doing
Dear friends, dear betrayers
Dear relatives, dear des
The one on the left.
No not you!
You right there!
The one reading this!
YES! You right th
Wings Of Light
Wings Of Light
Upon me is the last dawn
Faded away has the last dusk
I leave behind all of the rights and wrongs
I don't deserve an afterlife that is also rough
Mesmerized in deep suspense
As I await the final arrival
My tears become so intense
These last moments of hope are vital
Allow me to break away
Accept the toll of my undying faith
I was careless as I fell
Mocking life itself
Every secret I held
Defined a broken side of myself
An inner slaughter I could not defend
A one-sided war that I could not fight against
My downfall is what I didn't want to prevent
I always lusted after the idea of my final descent
Because I knew that in the end I would ascend
All I can really do is live this divided life as best as I can
I realized that the only thing in perfection is being broken
And the only way to get rid of that is to wipe out my existence
Shine down and shine true
I will no longer be powerless
You don't know how long I've been waiting for you
End The Hate (Gay Rights Poem)I was walking with my husband,
During the month of May.
His name is Bobby,
And I'm Adam Galloway.
We were holding hands,
We were happy as can be;
And then we met a stranger,
And he said to me:
"Look here at the faggots!
You're ruining my path!
I hate you gay ass fuckers,
Now you'll feel my wrath!"
The man pulled out a gun,
He aimed it at my head;
Bobby jumped in front of me -
Poor Bobby is now dead.
I caught his falling body,
As the stranger ran away.
I lost the love of my life,
All because we're gay.
He risked his life for me,
For Adam Galloway.
His name is Bobby G.
He died for being gay...
I was eating with my wife,
We were on a date.
Her name is Sarah,
My name is Deven Kate.
We got kicked out for kissing,
So we approached our car;
And what we both had seen,
Was pretty bizzare.
Our tires had been popped,
Our windows had been smashed,
The back seat was on fire;
So we both had dashed.
We didn't get that far,
When a girl got in our way;
She said to us, "Now burn!
ugly consumptionmonday my little girl asked, "what would happen if someone ate
the sun and
how many calories does it have?"
and i wish i could see myself objectively, wish
my skin wasn't worn from
have you ever seen your
hands as i do, strange bloated things
in search of bones?
and i wish i could remember when beauty
was a mouth red as pomegranate seeds eyes
like sickle moons. back when it was
more than numbers. ninety-five, eighty-eight.
get down to eighty-five and you will be
thin and sexless as wet march.
tuesday pa told me: "acceptance ain't something you
can buy at a convenience store."
and i am all mass no energy
as if all this time i have been
thinking i am breathing city lights
but they are really just water. sorry,
sorry, sorry. i have
atlantis resting inside my lungs.
Words To Ash
Words To Ash
My embers burn / A dark fire roars
My suicidal war / A blaze of words
I wrote this for you...
The old me really wanted you to read it
To tell you the truth...
Of how I came to be beyond broken
But I had to keep it
Because I'll never see you again
So my wounds remain hidden
A letter deprived of hate, I forgave us in vain
I'm trying to undo what you have done
Even if its just a placebo effect
This is me trying to “move on”
From this smothering resentment
Confessions turn into infernos
You crushed my faith
A villain disguised as a hero
My lungs starts to shake
The sinner is attending church tomorrow
While this saint is endlessly praying for strength
My soul surges / A red sky clears
My resolve emerges / A cure for tears
I've journeyed through the flames...
The new me knows the reasons for your trespasses
SLIPPING Slipping slipping
I almost had it right in my palms
AWAY Away away
My eyes open wide like my lungs
GASPING Gasping gasping
Accumulated back into this world as I awake
PAIN Pain pain
Gathering the moments of the dream before it fades
REAPING Reaping reaping
My desired world is always taken from me
FAITH Faith faith
I never wanted it to be make belief
FEELING Feeling feeling
That unaware sensation is being ripped
BLAME Blame blame
But it's as if I am the one that is torn to shreds
Fallen Into Darkness
Fallen Into Darkness
I'm a dark void, my shadow casts its own shadow
And I'm too much of a coward to even try and turn back
I'm so bleak, because I've managed to create a new breed of sorrow
And I'd be a fool to even attempt to move out and into the blinding black
My mere gaze can darken the brightest tomorrow
That must be why I am destined to remain here forever
My life is unaware that death is what I yearn to give into
That's another reason to sever every bond for the better
I vowed to myself that I wouldn't take you down with me
Your kind strength and light is what I can no longer borrow
I am nothing but a doubled-edged sword, it is what I will always be
I'm regretfully swaying away from the promised path that I used to follow
But I assure you that I will be alright
So please remember you did everything you could
But I've already made up my mind
And you said every hopeful word